valcion: (Default)
([personal profile] valcion Jan. 26th, 2011 05:38 pm)
I really need to stop lacking so much confidence. Doesn't really help some of my friends are either trolls or can be huge douchebags at times and would probably make fun of me for sucking at a lot of the things that I do. My self-esteem is at an all time low and I'm really looking for ways to boost it. I'm hoping apping at mayfield and doing some of that will help, but as always, I'm worried about everything. The streaming helps a little but I'm always afraid i'm boring or people are mocking me. Cause people like me get mocked on the internet all the time. Wouldn't be surprised if some do behind my back. No one here, for sure, but...

I seem to get negativity from every aspect of my life. No one at my job likes their job except the corporate asshats, My grandmother is a boiling pot of it, and just my general outlook on things (which I'm really, really pushing to change) is really lacking as well. Not to mention as I said in the previous entry, some of my RL friends aren't exactly the greatest influences either.

I've been strongly considering signing up for the gym and possibly getting myself on some sort of anxiety medicine. Possibly both. I know medicine only really masks the problem, but if that's what it's gonna take to help combat my own demons, then think of me what you will.

I really need to stop makign so many negative entries. I've gotta get it out somehow, though.
ai: (saber ⸗ [e] I understand)

From: [personal profile] ai


So what if people mock you? You have to learn to ignore that kind of stuff. You're in a social setting where people mock each other all the time. That's the sort of thing that happens and that's the company you keep. You either make new friends who have different social standards or you get a thick enough skin to ignore the jabs your current friends make at you.

That's how it goes.

I think having friends who tease you (although not to the levels they currently do to you) is a healthy thing though. It's suppose to help you learn to be stronger so that when a real asshole says something, you can brush it off.

The question I ask is how do you treat your grandmother? She may be negative towards you because you're easily annoyed anytime she sends word for you. I know you get very upset anytime she does, so if she anticipates your annoyance, it may put her in a bad mood. Try being sweet to her more often. She is your grandmother and deserves some respect.

I think you should do the gym first. Try working out once or twice a week to help yourself before you try for any medicine.

It's good to get them out. Just remember to write about the good stuff in your life too~
character: (Default)

From: [personal profile] character


Yes, it is better to not keep it all bottled inside yourself. However, you can't let it comsume you either. You're probably like I was - every waking thought was just swimming with negativity to the point where whenever I felt anything besides hatred it felt wrong to me.

You have to learn to think differently. I'll be honest - I've been doing that for this whole month and it ain't been easy. I've "fallen off the wagon" twice and had to climb back onto it. Sure, it's going to feel easy to just slip back into old habits but you'll begin to see it's not worth it. For me, my thoughts have become clear, I generally feel better, I'm trying new things, and overall I think I'm starting to become a better person. You can too if you put your mind to it.
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